Friday, February 10, 2012

So Close

Twenty-five more days, more or less.  That's all the time left before we become a family of seven.  Figuring it was time to unpack and clean all things baby, two of our daughters jump up on the bed, oohing and cooing over all the tiny pieces we fold and tuck away for stand-by.

I prepare a little basket full of wipes and a bottle of cleanser to set by our bed, ready and waiting to clean tiny buns.  A changing pad sits between the bed and dresser, standing at the ready.

Little hands help label what transforms into the baby's layette and we fill it up, accordingly.  It all begins to sink in.

Three dear friends have lost their precious babies in the womb while I've carried ours in mine.  Sometimes the pain is almost too much, watching our sweet friends in agony.  Those babies were to be friends with ours.  They were going to grow up together.  Without realizing it, there were many times I stopped allowing myself to enjoy this pregnancy.  Guilt had set in.  It's not right for those babies to leave us.  How can I celebrate and be so happy when my sweet friends are in such pain?  Now, at the end of this time when baby and I share my middle, I feel a slow, soft, gentle acceptance to allow the good feelings in.  To celebrate this amazing little life that's just about to greet the world.  To daydream, to plan, and to prepare for his or her arrival.  To be happy.  To be thankful.  To love.  To embrace.  To receive the love showered on baby and I from so many friends and family, without feeling badly about it.  To even take first-ever maternity shots offered by a very talented friend.  Learning to mourn loss and embrace life at the same time is hard, but I would hate to miss either one.

Sweet baby, I love you and can't wait to see you.

I'm sharing this at Gratituesday.


  1. Wishing you all the best. God bless. ♥

  2. I love this post, so sweet and heartfelt. You have such a great heart Katie. Your children are very blessed. I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl! :)

  3. So excited for you! I totally understand the guilt. Both of my sisters lost their baby boys right before and during my pregnancy with Asher, and I had had my miscarriage just a few months before. I felt scared and guilty to be excited, but guilty and sad not to be excited and celebrate this little life. A hard thing to work out, but I've decided that because of all the loss and that not one moment is promised, I must celebrate and enjoy every second I can. We are praying for you and the whole Riddle clan as you anticipate this brand new little blessing.

  4. yeah, i too understand this struggle... both with the loss of little ones i was so excited to have grown up with my little one and with just so much heartache in these and other areas going on all around me through this pregnancy.

    can't believe you are so close to having that little one... so excited for you and so curious as to who little riddle #5 is going to be!

    my recent post: get me a lock... a big one.

  5. Sometimes it takes a fierce strength to celebrate life in the face of death. Congratulations on your little life and on getting prepared for it!

  6. Can't wait to meet Riddle baby #5 You are remarkable Katie! :)

  7. Yay diaper time! :-) your a amazing mom and am so happy for you guys!

  8. Bless this new little one :) Stopping by to say hi and check out your blog. Found you on the Heavenly Homemakers link up. Happy Day to you!


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