Thursday, January 5, 2012

Choosing to Love the Season

So many delights come with winter.  Dreaming up this year's garden, planting bare roots, pruning, enjoying some extra time inside during these long nights to play with fabrics, yarns, and family board games, warm gatherings with friends and soup by the fire.  Only... I barely have the energy to keep up with basic home-keeping.  With only nine weeks left (give or take) until we meet this sweet new little Riddle, along with a sickness that swept over this house, I'm left completely depleted of energy.  No energy equals an easy spiral downward for this mama.  I love my life.  I love what I do.  Having no energy to do it is hard.  

Finally, I came to the realization that this is a season, not a lifestyle change.  With every season comes it's own uncomfortable opportunities for growth as well as secret delights waiting to be discovered.  Before the unique treasure of this time in life can be unveiled, I first have to choose to embrace the season.  This is where I am.  There are unique limitations as well as opportunities available for a limited time only.  Even though I'm unable to continue doing many things I love, what I was made for, good things, I have to let them go for a bit.  They aren't for right now.

Right now, I take more of a spectator seat in life.  But I never did notice how much our oldest has really become an older kid.  A "tween" if you will (why do I hate that word?).  Her interests and needs have greatly changed, along with her style and mannerisms.  I deeply feel the need to make more space for her in my mind and time as her horizon broadens.  There must be room in me for her to pull from, feel special and comfortable with, and confide in.  Would I have noticed these changes and all their intricacies without this season?  I really don't think I'd have done more than scratch the surface of this revelation.

As much as I long to spend hours outside, preparing this gorgeous land for the explosion of spring, all that's happened is a trip to the hardware store for a new pair of pruners.  I've decided that if that's all that happens in the realm of homesteading for the rest of this month, that's okay.  Now I'll have the tools when it's time to get out there.  Besides, there's so much to learn and  these beautiful books to read have only just been a longing, sitting on my nightstand, until now.  How thankful am I to almost be forced to feed my soul with these books, though I hope to come out of this time with a protection for personal growth that hasn't been here before.

In all honesty, I long for this baby to be born, to be able to pick something off the ground without having to give myself a pep talk, to strap the babe to my chest, ready the kids, and head outside to love on the land.  It doesn't feel wrong to look forward to the next season, but I do choose (sometimes on a hourly basis) to love this season of sitting, watching, learning, and resting, hoping to come out a calmer, wiser, and more peaceful spirit to be and be around.

I'm sharing this at Barn Hop, Gratituesday.


  1. Oh wow. You're so speaking to me... My season isn't forever either but I've been longing for it to end instead of looking for things to enjoy in it. What a thoughtful post!

  2. I'm not pregnant (physically, anyway), but I'm right there with you. And here to help when you want it! :) I find that doing what I can for my friends actually pulls me put of the despairing places. These next 9 weeks are going to pass quickly and you will be enjoying the next season!!!

  3. Thank you for posting this. I have 10 month old twins and a very busy 20 month old. I have to tell myself daily that's it's just a season and try to look around and enjoy all that God has blessed me with. I, too, love my life even if somedays I barely step outside. Blessings!

  4. Isn't it annoying that you can't read through osmosis? That is a skill I would like to have.
    I am sure things will take care of themselves.
    Good luck and congratulations! :-)

  5. I've savored choosing other things over DOING lately too. Thanks for the encouragement and perspective!

  6. this is so timely to read! especially being in such a similar season of being pregnant as well and feeling like time is just flying by and so much i want to do i just don't have energy to do. but... i love your reminder of how you have looked at your oldest and noticed things lately that you may not have otherwise... i want to be more watchful and notice more since i am not "doing" as much. great post!

    my recent post: even them? you have got to be kidding me.

  7. Thank you so much for sharing this! This year has been a difficult one for me and I just read this post on the day that I was feeling the lowest and knew something needed to change. It helped me realize how much of my energy has been wasted on fighting this season I'm in, and was like a breath of fresh air to remind me of where my focus should be....


I value your feedback. Thanks for taking the time to share yours!


Related Posts with Thumbnails